i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
