if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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