Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
