You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
