Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
