I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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