when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
