I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
