so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
