i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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