I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
