I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
