Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize