As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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