Cold hands, warm shart.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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