maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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