never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's never too late to be topless.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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