I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
