Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
