so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
