You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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