I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
