He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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