I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
