i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
