So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
