I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
