my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
