i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
