Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
