dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
