I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
