Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
