Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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