well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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