Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
