Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
