Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
