Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
