Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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