Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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