hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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