I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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