So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
