i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
