Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Randomize
