I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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