dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
