somebody snuck up and got me drunk
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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