K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
