normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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