covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
