But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
