Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
is wine microwaveable?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
