he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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