I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
